Working vs Stay at Home Mother - Do we really need this debate?

Being a working mother, I get asked a lot of time - how do you give time to your kid? Doesn't she feel lonely or left out? It must be very hard for her?

To all these questions, I have only one answer - Quality is important than quantity. I feel confident when my daughter showers me with hugs and kisses, tells me how much she is proud of me and how well I take care of her. That reaffirms my belief and also the fact that I do not need to give justification to others.

I am not a judgmental person at all and do not like to be judged too. But then I don't feel offended also when I get bombarded with these questions. This confidence stems from the fact that I have a wonderful inspiration in front of me - my mom! Just like my daughter, I was also an only child and my mother used to work full time. But still, she structured her work life so beautifully around me that I did not feel left out or yearning for her love even for a second. I knew that I was the center of her universe and her will power and ability to balance everything so well instilled the Quality vs Quantity belief in me.
I grew up with some beautiful memories: My mother always leaving a sweet note with the fresh cooked lunch she used to keep for me on the dining table before leaving for work, amazing delicacies that she used to pack for my school lunch box, celebrating each and every achievement of mine whether big or small, propping me on a chair and talking to me while making dinner and many more.

To many people, these things may look small but for a young child they had a profound meaning. It meant that no mater whether my mom is away from home for some hours or not, it is ME that she cares about and all the efforts she is making are for me. It made me felt loved and secure. 

I try to do the same with my daughter. Here are some of the ways I provide a quality time and experience to my kid:

1.  Giving her plenty of hugs, kisses and telling her how much I love her. I want to make my child feel loved and secure and have the confidence that I am there with her.

2. I talk to her a lot and I really mean a LOT. Once home, I never get a chance to stay quiet and I don't mind this. I take it as a good sign, sign that she treats me as her friend and is willing to share everything with me. Most of the times, I break into a dance with her as soon as I enter home. It's not always easy (especially when I'm dead tired after back to back meetings) but then It's totally worth it - I just can't miss her delightful squeals J

3.Weekends are all for her. Special breakfasts, playing board games, taking her to park, baking/cooking together or taking her out to her favorite eatery/ museums or monuments (she is a history buff) - basically involving her in everything we do throughout the day.

4. Preparing her favorite dishes for her school lunch and slipping a small note with it.

5. Telling her that I understand her when she is having meltdowns. Believe me, it does wonders and works far better than yelling.

There are many small things but these are some of the significant things which have helped me bond strongly with my child. Nothing in this world makes me happier than seeing her write in her school notebook: 'My mom is my best friend. She is the best mom in the world, she works very hard and takes very good care of me'.

So Working or SAHM - it's totally one's own decision and I feel it should be respected. At the end of the day, all of us wish the best for our kids and that ends the debate for me!

This post was also published on Women's Web (


  1. I am not a mother, but I have read articles stating that working mothers lay a good ground work for the decisions kids might make in future for their lives. So I think as long as you are doing what makes you happy, while taking care of your daughter (as you clearly are) it would transpire. :)

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  2. We do live in different times where women have different economic and personal fulfillment needs. Parents need to take on child-rearing with a sense of responsibility if they are going to have children. My mother was always home when I was growing up. It was a happy time where there was a feeling of stability and security for me and my siblings. We had the quantity along with quality.

    If the optimal time can't be given though, the quality of time given is essential to raising children who are more confident and emotionally well. If parents don't provide the quality time the children are going to look for it elsewhere and that alternative may not be the best thing.

    Arlee Bird
    Wrote By Rote

  3. I don’t know how should I give you thanks! I am totally stunned by your article. You saved my time. Thanks a million for sharing this article.